Generally speaking, we women aren’t very nice to ourselves. Almost from our first days, we begin to internalize messages that we aren’t good enough—we are too much of some things and not enough of others. Those messages become such a part of who we are that we don’t even realize how ridiculous some of them sound.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
I just need to lose five more pounds.
Age might be just a number, but I’m giving myself Botox treatments for my birthday.
Isn’t my five-year-old daughter adorable when she pretends she’s sexy?
I don’t need to worry about saving for my future—I’ll be married by then.
It’s my fault my husband had that affair.
I can’t take that meeting; my hair looks awful today.
I hate going out with those people—they always make me feel bad about myself.
Today is publication day for The 10-Day Girly Thoughts Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power by Patricia O’Gorman, PhD, and it’s a day I’ve looked forward to for some time.
I worked with Dr. O’Gorman on two of her previous books, so when she asked me to edit her book about girly thoughts, I jumped at the chance. Her goal for the book, which was inspired by the phrase she developed and used in The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power, was to shine a light on the damage women do to ourselves by internalizing these negative messages and then provide a plan to detox from them. What woman wouldn’t embrace that concept?
Negative messages surround us, and they contribute to the toxic self-talk that reinforces our negative beliefs about ourselves and have helped us form our identities as women. Consider the advertising that reminds you:
your gray hair makes you look older,
those extra pounds might keep you from getting a promotion, or
being too assertive isn’t sexy.
Then, as Dr. O’Gorman writes, “We take it one step further: We believe these messages. We internalize them. We monitor ourselves to ensure our acceptability by letting our girly thoughts, our toxic self-talk, guide us. And we shut our powerful selves down. We try not to be offensive in any way. We certainly try not to be bossy.”
As the epigraph in The10-Day Girly Thoughts Detox Plan reads:
“It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.”
Have you ever learned about a project and felt instantly compelled to be part of it? That’s how I felt when I heard about The Red Suitcase, a mother/daughter road movie in development about a 66-year-old woman who, with her grown daughter’s help, has to find the courage to start her life over. The film is based on a true story about the filmmaker’s mother, who suddenly found herself alone and penniless after her husband of 35 years walked out of her life, and it stars Kathleen Chalfantand Harris Yulin.
Writer/producer Dana White writes,
It makes me angry that many women today, as they grow in years, are becoming more and more marginalized from our mainstream culture. My film is an attempt to both entertain (there are heaps of laughs and adventures in this film by the way), and to illuminate what I feel is a dark corner of America, where a good many women struggle, disposable and forgotten. I want to shine a light on that to people, and do it in a way that they’ll enjoy. And that THEY may have to pick up the pieces themselves one day too.
I first heard about the project from author Dorothy Sander (Aging Abundantly: A Little Book of Hope) when she asked me to proofread the updated version of her book (one of the thank-you gifts for contributors at Indiegogo, which you can check out here). As I learned more about the film, the importance of its message for women really touched me. I made a small contribution, and I also want to help spread the word about this important film.
Using a crisis to consciously grow is the first step in my book The Resilient Woman. And that is what this extraordinary film—The Red Suitcase—is about. It asks, ‘How do I separate myself from the life I’ve lived? How do I move forward from the script I have followed, the one that told me what was expected of me as a woman, as a dutiful wife, as a mother, to see what life can hold for me now?’”
Barbara Torris wrote an inspiring piece about the film and how there really is a dearth of films out there about issues and life which reflects her reality:
I did one of those Google searches this morning using the words movies about older people and every movie that came up starred men like Clint Eastwood. Surprisingly, when I added the word women the search engine came up with older women/younger man relationship movies . . . all those icky cougar stories. But movies about older mothers in trouble and a daughter finding a way to move on with their lives? Probably not many.
So now WE have a chance to help a movie get produced. This one is worth our attention.”
Good films have gone the way of manual typewriters . . . These are important films, but most will probably never see the light of day because the funds run out before they can be completed. The Red Suitcase is one such film . . . spread the word and show your support.”
The story weaves unexpected revelations, humorous adventures, and colorful characters together to create a tale that’s dramatic, funny, and heart-breakingly honest . . . If you, like me, are aching to see our own faces reflected back to us, this is one way we can take action.”
I applaud Dana for embarking on such a grand endeavor to bring the depth of her story for everyone to enjoy and reflect upon. For now, take my advice and check out Dana White’s new film.”
Photographer Robbie Kaye (@BeautyofWisdom) has been relentless on spreading the word on Twitter with her thousands of followers. Her new book Beauty and Wisdom has just been released on Amazon. You can also get it as a gift with a contribution to the film.
Visit The Red Suitcase campaign, and please consider making a donation—even just $1 or $5 will help—and help spread the word about the campaign through your own Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr, Pinterest, and other social-networking connections. Thank you for your support!
Happy Writing,
Candace
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Candace Johnson is a professional freelance editor, proofreader, writer, ghostwriter, and writing coach who has worked with traditional publishers, self-published authors, and independent book packagers on nonfiction subjects ranging from memoirs to alternative medical treatments to self-help, and on fiction ranging from romance to paranormal. As an editorial specialist, Candace is passionate about offering her clients the opportunity to take their work to the next level. She believes in maintaining an author’s unique voice while helping him or her create and polish every sentence to make it the best it can be. Learn more here.
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Generally speaking, we women aren’t very nice to ourselves. Almost from our first days, we begin to internalize messages that we aren’t good enough—we are too much of some things and not enough of others. Those messages become such a part of who we are that we don’t even realize how ridiculous some of them sound.